Or so it seemed, back then.

I realise now, they chose a road
That led them to their future
And that same path? Well,

It led you to my past.

So we went our seperate ways,
which at the start seemed wrong,
But I’ve become a stranger

In a world we once belonged.

Now, you old friend? I see you smile
Which is more than, away back when
And it still means alot to me,

Thought, I wouldn’t care to tell you.

So I think of those, that I’ve passed by
Who’s future I helped shape.
I wonder do they notice,

or remember I was there.

Though, I don’t allow this vex me
Like I would have in my past
‘Cause that’s just how I’ve changed.

And I feel it’s for the best.

Returning my thoughts to what brought me to write this blog, and for one to understand, I shall have to give some details of my past.
Once I had a great friend, an amazing person full of life and happiness, then that person left. Well technically they changed. Our friendship grew apart and hate replaced what was once love, we were no longer called or wrote one another, we had reached a point where if we saw the other we would turn and walk the other direction.

Personally I allowed this to go on too long, this feeling of utter dislike, when this person had done very little to diserve my anger and loathing. To night, while talking to a person I’ve known longer, I had a revelation.
We grew apart for a reason. All the disliking in the world will not change either of us for the better.

So I decided it was time, time to finally let go of the last piece of complete dislike in my entire life. I wrote to my “ex” friend, explained that I enjoyed the friendship we shared, wished her the best for the future and said goodbye.

And honestly, I recommend it to anyone who has gone their separate way from a friend. It is such a wonderful feeling.

Though this does now beg the question, with no more, hate, resentment, loathing or cynicism, what do I have left to write about?!

Little did I know, I’ve said so little really.

I speak to many people, on topics wild and varied

but when I come to think of it, my words seem pretty silent.

Conversation after conversation, to fulfill our need for chat.

We quietly gather thoughts, on the things we should have spoken.

Perhaps they understood my meaning, but you never really know.

So I sit and speak, these silent words. That fall on that fall on silent ears.

While having lunch on one of my many excursions to our nations fine capital, my friend and I began to converse of our lives to date. Where we want to be in ten years and what we want to be doing. I, in keeping with this discussion said that I never wanted children or to marry. This statement however met the response, “That’s stupid you don’t know where you’ll be in ten years.” I gathered my thoughts on this point and inquired as to would my friend like a wife and children in the future he said “yes”, plainly and bluntly…
This did however meet my response “that’s stupid you don’t know where you’ll be in ten years”.

Is this not the same thing? Is it not the same thing to say, at any age that you never want something as to say, that you definitely want something. Is it not the same reasoning to say it’s silly that someone really wants to get married as to say its silly someone really doesn’t?

Am I incorrect, is it different?  Is wanting marriage and children human nature, something we should long for?  Or has it just become something we are meant to do, something that is seen amongst the middle class as necessary for happiness. Has being happy by being one, been replaced by the happiness involved in being part of a couple… Is it true that one’s partner completes them?

Should a person not complete themselves? Should all decisions like this not be taken equally and the ‘norm’ set aside… we are all different after all.

I can handle fluctuating weather, and unsavory people, but mix them together along with excessive amounts of alcohol, not enough chemical toilets and working through the best act of the weekend and we’ve got hell.

People looked amazing though, except of course those whom were so drunk they couldn’t stand at 3pm, those getting sick and those who were just there to deal…

Isn’t a festival meant to be about the music, not the noise. About the atmosphere and the fun not the acid and the coke. I may of course be wrong. Actually, Judging by the people I encountered, I am wrong.

What has happened? Have festivals always been an excuse to drink and indulge until you forget all your worries and pain until the next morning? Is it “glorified” “nacker” drinking? or just plain as day old, “nacker” drinking.

I get drunk, I say and do silly things, but Oxegen seems like a very expensive way to do it.

Allow me to side step away from the drugs, and drink… Sex and rock n’ roll, this at a festival is most acceptable. However shit should not be. Why is it that people under the influence think its funny or a good idea to use their excrement as paint? or as a weapon?
It is quite possibly the most vile thing I have ever seen, and I am not one for a weak stomach…

Am I alone? Am I the only one whom doesn’t get that passing out in your own vomit and having people use your back as a toilet is just the festival thing to do?!

Lastly, I love clothes, I love having my hair, tan and make-up done, but seriously when did wellies become a status symbol outside the Ploughing Championships? I even found myself saying, “I’ll have to get a pair of gold hunters”.

Why, even at festivals is there a need, and a want to look better, to do as look magazine has said… and when, did I become one of those girls…

I have been known to complain about the lack of activities I will be doing over the summer. Only now do i realise it is a blessing in disguise. Recently i attended a “session” with no more than about seven people there. My oldest friend and I were outside and began to talk, we reminisced about the good and bad times we had going up. We admitted things to one another that we never breathed to anyone else. Ever.

Having always felt like an outsider, my entire life, floating from group to group, friend to all but no ones best friend, as the night grew older, I, neigh, we, realised we were within our group, we were surrounded by the people in the entire world that without, we would not be whom we are now.

Sitting with this girl I have known for over 16 years…  laughing and joking, I realsised I belonged. Not only here, but to her and my dearest friends.

All the questions we once had about the past became pondering sensations for our future. This girl has changed my life, she has made me a better person, and all she did was be there.

This is for my best friend! I love you!

It’s 2009 and it appears we are still having a gender battle, maybe we can amend this Bill so that 20% of candidates or TD’s must be gay, or black or both.

I was surprised when I first heard this, but the thing that stood out the most was, I’m Irish, and how in the name of the Holey Roman Catholic Church is IRELAND going backwards?          As a 19 year old woman, I personally never marched for my rights, that is what my sisters of past did. (Thank God, I wouldn’t have bothered.) I have been given the right to vote, and now someone has discovered a method, even in this glorious system we call democracy, to limit that, or limit the funding of those I do choose because, quite simply, there may not be a woman good enough to run or get elected.

That Bill is as much as a joke as a campaign slogan I saw, “A voice for women!” because god knows being allowed to vote isn’t enough, now according to Kathy Sinnott MEP we need a woman to represent us too. To the Kathy Sinnotts of this world, women have voices, we use them and we can vote so bringing elections of today down to a battle of the sexes, to me sounds like someone is running out of slogans. A voice for women, Ms. Sinnott is Anti abortion, i.e. she is against a woman’s right to choose?! Personally I would not be surprised if Ms. Sinnott joined the Christian Solidarity Group if she makes it to Europe!

More extremist and more politics, those too just shouldn’t mix. It reminds me of wine and cider, seems like the right thing to do, but bad things WILL happen. On that note Toiréasa Ferris springs to mind! What an interesting young lady, not a tell me about your policies, (she’s Sinn Fein what don’t we already know) interesting tell us about you.

Where do these people decide they want to be politicians!? Can anyone become a politician or must you attend Clown College to become one of these?! Our European Political jokes.

What do we need?

Memories fade, facts blur and witnesses die

Became a sentence, and I contemplated the last year and considered, my own memories, facts and witnesses.

Where ever did it all go?!
Not that much has happened, other than the actually being an adult part and when, please tell me, did that happen? It was not 12 months ago when living in a new town would have vexed me and now with life moving far faster than I have ever willed it to move I find myself actually wanting these changes, disappointed I chose not to work abroad this summer!

Lying in the sun outside the nurses building studying for an exam reminiscing of old friends with new ones, discussing politics and how we would have never actually thought of life a few years down the road before now. Of course it is obvious that one will think of what they want to do with their life, but rarely consider why or what effect this choice will have on them when they, and I hesitate to say, grow up.

My memories are not fading as such, I fear I will begin to sound like an 80 year old, when that is 60 years my senior, but my rose tinted glasses grow darker as I am beginning to believe my memories will indeed fade. This is not something I though would happen me, but nor did I believe I would become an adult, but woe and behold; I think I am nearly there.

Honestly, facts are already blurred and I try not to dwell on them as rectifying mistaken fact would give me about as much amusement as breaking a leg. Witnesses dying is possibly the scariest one to deal with, in my young life I can merely recall two funerals that stick with me, a friend who died age 11 and a friend who died age 19, grandparents and old acquaintances do not seem to merit a place in my emotions as the others did, perhaps it is the definiteness that we will grow old and we will pass. I observe lately, those around me growing older, and kids being younger than I remember ever being (at their age).

That is when I realise I am getting older. I just pray wisdom comes with it.

]]> http://refreshinglycynical.wordpress.com/2009/05/07/memories/feed/ 0 refreshinglycynical http://refreshinglycynical.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/again/ http://refreshinglycynical.wordpress.com/2009/04/30/again/#comments Thu, 30 Apr 2009 23:04:36 +0000 refreshinglycynical http://refreshinglycynical.wordpress.com/?p=40 ]]> … exams start in May, and I’m thinking of time before exams and I realise I would have been 14! Now I’m just curious as to where those years have gone… and can I have them back?!

So much has changed, considering I’m a cub of the Celtic tiger the current global recession isn’t my cup of red barrys! Been watching things happen and change, and over the past year things seem really different, but the same like a constant déjà vu, are we going in circles?

Are we the ones keeping us this way? Or is there a higher magnetism forcing us to repeat the same monotonous tasks, as our fathers of past. As well as repeating their mistakes except to a larger more disastrous scale.

Or is it not a circle, is it new and exciting every time? Is our purpose today any more significant than it would have been 50, or 100 years ago. So I write this, as I procrastinate, as I have done, many a time before, and will do in future because I will never learn from my mistake, is it my human nature? Is human nature at its element…

Do we no longer strive for perfection?

I have recently been thinking about how quickly this year has gone by, the people I’ve met and the lunatics I now call friends.
A lecturer during the week told us, we will forget most of our past to make room for the future, but when does this happen?

Today I was thinking about secondary school, and how I could name about 50% of the school, but when I went to my phone I had less than 6 numbers from people whom were in my school. That forgetting was faster than anticipated.
and I am not naive nor am I upset, most of them were not what one would describe as nice people. I just never felt I could cut the symbolic cord that quickly, although upon consideration two years is a substantial amount time… well it should be, it does make quite the difference.

I am writing these now one hundred and eighty words, while avoiding adding another 50 to an assignment. Because when I finish it. It’s finished. Though college has been one of the few reasons the blog has been neglected.

Why do we procrastinate? Who do we kid? And will we ever stop ourselves falling into this trap of no time?